


i'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what i meant

by L13



Series: this was the very first page, not where the story line ends [1]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, One-Shot, post-3x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L13/pseuds/L13
Summary: (why'd i have to break what i love so much? it's on your face, and i'm to blame)“Come kiss me.”With an elated grin, Maya did just that.
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Series: this was the very first page, not where the story line ends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772248
Kudos: 127





	i'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what i meant

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for any mistakes I've made with the Italian. Please feel free to correct any errors. I haven't written fic in years so I'm kind of nervous about this.
> 
> Title from Afterglow by Taylor Swift.

_“Come kiss me.”_

With an elated grin, Maya did just that.

She wrapped her hands around Carina’s face and pulled her into a kiss filled with joy and disbelief. They broke apart briefly before Carina initiated another kiss, causing Maya’s heart to flutter in relief at the confirmation that the doctor had missed her too.

Maya slid her hand down Carina’s arm, seeking her hand, as the kiss ended and kept her other hand on the doctor’s face. She didn’t want to stop touching her, kissing her, looking at her. Carina’s pager had a different idea though.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Maya’s heart clenched. She had missed everything about the other woman, including her voice. “I have to go.”

“Will you come by after work tonight?” she asked hastily, not wanting Carina to leave just yet. “If you want to that is.”

Brushing her fingers softly against Maya’s cheek, Carina smiled reassuringly. “I want to” was all she said as she kissed her once more.

That was then.

Sometime in the hours between watching Carina return to the hospital with Teddy and getting dinner onto plates and wine into glasses, the jubilation Maya had felt was turning into panic. It had been too _easy_. It _couldn’t_ be this easy. It _wasn’t_. She still needed to prove herself, to show Carina that she could be trusted.

Her thoughts collided at the sound of a knock on the door. The tentative smile that greeted her on the other side only worsened her anxiety. They had to talk. She knew that. They wouldn’t be able to move forward otherwise. But what if revisiting it makes Carina re-evaluate giving her a second chance?

“Hi.” Maya hesitated as Carina stepped inside but when the doctor turned to face her, she couldn’t resist closing the distance and kissing her. “How was work?”

“It was good.” Carina didn’t elaborate and Maya didn’t ask her to. She sensed that wasn’t the topic on Carina’s mind from the way her fingers, hand resting on Maya’s neck, were stroking her newly shortened hair.

“Are you hungry?”

“ _Sono affamata_ (I’m starving)! Dinner smells _cos_ _ì_ _buono_ (so good).”

Aside from Carina’s compliments over her cooking, they ate mostly in silence. Every now and again, Maya found herself searching for the doctor even though she was sat right in front of her. The sight of Carina soothed her each time.

Dread settled on top of the food in her stomach as their plates emptied. It was Carina who breached first.

“I like your hair,” she said, smiling softly. “ _Sei bello_ (you are beautiful).”

“Thanks.” Maya returned the smile with a shy one of her own. Her gaze dropped to where she was fiddling with the stem of her glass. “My dad pulled it—my hair—today.” She felt Carina’s hand cover her free one and glanced up, seeing the concern in her eyes before looking away again. “After I cut it, I felt… free. But I realise that this feeling is only going to be temporary, for now anyway. My life is not what I thought it was and I still have to fully process that.”

She raised her head and, this time, held Carina’s gaze. “I’m going to work on it though. I can’t promise that I won’t screw up and push you away again but I can promise to try. And I promise you I will _never_ cheat on you _ever_ again. I’m going to be better.”

“Maya, I don’t want you to think that who you are now isn’t good enough. That is the person I fell in love with.” Carina seemed to struggle with herself, unsure of how to or whether she should continue.

Maya reached for Carina’s other hand and squeezed them both tenderly. “What is it?” It was Carina’s turn to avoid her eyes. “Carina, please, I’ve spent so long refusing to hear it. I don’t want to do that anymore, especially not when you’re doing the talking. Please.”

“ _Mi fai davvero male_ (you really hurt me).” She took a deep breath. “I was hurt… I still am. You want to keep feeling free. I want to stop feeling hurt.” Tears began to well up in Carina’s eyes, instantly mirrored by Maya’s. “But look at how easy it was for you to cheat on me. Because you were mad at me?”

Shaking her head, all Maya could offer was, “I was an idiot.”

“Maya,” Carina gently admonished. Then with a light smirk, “That’s not an answer.”

It had its desired effect, drawing a chuckle from Maya. “You are the best relationship I have ever had,” she stated emphatically. “I just couldn’t accept the truth about my dad. Like I said, I wouldn’t hear it. And so I pushed you away in the worst way possible. It’s one thing to self-sabotage, but this relationship is _ours_ and you didn’t deserve that. I’m so sorry that I hurt you and I’m even sorrier that I did it on purpose.”

Releasing her grip on Maya’s hand, Carina reached up and brushed away the other woman’s tears. Maya turned her face slightly to press a kiss into Carina’s palm.

“It’s going to take time.”

“I know. But you’re worth every second.”

“We _both_ are,” corrected Carina. She leaned in, their breaths mingling. “I love you, Maya.”

That brought on a fresh wave of tears. “I love you too.”

“ _Baciami_.”


End file.
